BOOKS
The reason why guys be on the low is cos we can’t be open like everyone else. Two White dudes together, no big deal. Two women, can we watch? But two niggaz? Everybody’s uptight
—Jalani 22
I’m Not Gay, I Just Mess with Guys Sometimes – Real Talk With Young Men who Have Sex with Men, but Don’t Self-Identify As Gay
While interviewing the young males in my previous book, Message to a Youngblood, I learned that some of them had experimented sexually with other males but did not identify themselves as ‘gay’. I wanted to give voice to their reasons why they distance themselves from gay culture while being homosexual by nature. I wanted to also address the so-called ‘on the down low’ hype and turn what has been the sensationalizing of men who secretly have sex with men into a more serious discussion about denial in the Black community and how Black men are feeling free, regardless of their lovestyle.
In keeping to mission on addressing the concerns of marginalized youths, I’m Not Gay, I Just Mess with Guys Sometimes aims to do away with the trivializing of an underground population that is invisible yet obvious. In this conversation the focus is more on self-actualizing. Our sons are defining identity on their own terms and at their own pace, and ready to show it. Parents will be able to use this book to learn how to begin difficult but necessary talks on sexuality. Counselors can make it part of their intervention tools. Group home directors, foster care representatives, youth detention centers and male-based program advocates gain key approaches to reaching under-represented groups. Grown men would find this book useful because it addresses the long-term negative effects of hiding one’s nature. Changing times require changing approaches. Denial is no longer an option. Now what?
As with my previous advice book for under-represented young males of African descent, there are interviews with teens and young adults expressing their personal struggles with the focus this time on sexual identity. There are also illustrations by young returning and new artists to provide the visual to the range of topics covered, including functional depression, coming out or being invited in, masculinities, predatory mindset, school safe zones, why we never say ‘females on the down low’, finding healthy definitions of Black manhood, where homophobia in the Black community really comes from, fem vs masculine tensions , dating a guy who is openly himself, and the role of fathers in the lives of their same gender loving or bisexual sons.
I’m Not Gay, I Just Mess with Guys Sometimes is yet another segment of my book series on working with under-represented youth. It’s a fresh new look at an on-going discussion in the Black community because of its aim to not focus on why our sons (and men) don’t simply ‘come out’, but on what exactly are they ‘coming out’ to if we are still expecting them to behave according to our set standards and cultural expectations.
I'm Not Gay, I Just Mess with Guys Sometimes – Real Talk with Young Men who Have Sex with Men, but Don’t Self-Identify As Gay.
"This book is a courageous and necessary deep dive into a topic that is too often ignored or oversimplified. By providing 'real talk' and practical advice, Kahlil Koromantee creates a space for young men to navigate their experiences without the pressure of labels that might not fit their personal reality. It’s a vital resource for self-understanding and mental well-being while being introduced to a population that's hidden in plain sight."
—Ocean Morisset
"How can I tell if he's gay?...The better question is how do I create an environment that allows him to be his full self?"
Excerpt:
“Black folk are starting to question what we’ve been taught. We’re giving attention to teen suicide and considering all possibilities, now that we can admit that jocks fall in love with jocks more than sometimes. Teachers are updating their training on LGBT students. Counselors are asking even deeper questions. Social workers aren’t making assumptions about what gay looks like and doesn’t look like anymore. Gym coaches and construction managers are minding their language and attitudes. Group home supervisors and youth residential treatment centers are doing their part. Even Hollywood is updating their formula on films depicting our stories. People want to know what the so-called homothug or trade has to say, what a tool feels like when he’s not being used. This is a good time to be you.”